Phood Phor Thought


Phor years I’ve tried to phigure the difference between words beginning with the letter ‘F’ and those beginning with ‘Ph’.  I mean, how drunk was the person who invented the English language when they got to the phork in the road where they had to decide between ‘F’ or ‘Ph’?  And what exactly were they doing at the phork in the road in the phirst place?

Phor example:

phone (fone); phase (fase or faze); phrase (frase or fraze); physical (fysical or fizical); photo (foto); physician (fysician or doctor); phlegm (flem or spit) and hundreds of other examples including phallus (fallus or peepee).

But wait, there’s more to this disturbing issue….

What kind of sick person would ever name their newborn daughter ‘Phoebe‘ (Feebee), unless of course they lived in ‘Phoenix‘ (Feenix).

I phor one, have decided that I am going to phorget that the letter ‘F’ ever existed.  There will never be a time that I write or say ‘WTF’ anymore – it’ll now be ‘WTPH’.  And if I ever get my screenplay finished, I’ll be sure that the gangster characters always use the phrase ‘phugget about it’.  And the acronym BFF (Best Friends Forever) will now be BPHPH.

And yes, I’ll never ever, ever, ever use the phorbidden ‘F’ word again – it’ll now be the more polite ‘phuck’.

Your Phriend Phorever,



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An almost famous Film, Television & Stage Actor living in Vancouver, BC (as in almost pregnant). His other passions include: patient advocate (he had Stage 3 Throat Cancer) ; daily power walks at the Promenade in White Rock; and of course, spoiling his dog Holly Golightly. If you like the stuff he writes about - please leave a hug (or a comment).

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